Babies N' Such

Hey what's going on everyone? How is life?? Life here in the good ol Salt Lake City is kicking on slowly! Okay, not slowly, but very fast actually... I mean, it was just last Thursday like a week ago, when I went to the Temple with my 97 year old Grandpa Hale! Now it's Thursday all over again!! 

Now, I am sure you are all "Curious" about the title of this post?? "Babies N' Such?" Well, that is saying that I have had the wonderful chance a couple times this past week to be able to go and baby sit 3 of my 4 nieces and nephews. Last Friday with my brother Brandon, we went down to Sandy to the Call home, and had a party with 2 of the three of them! Carter and Charlotte! We had a super fun time taking pictures, videos, playing hide n seek, bouncy ball, magnets, cards, watching tv and doing lots more!! It was lots of fun!! The best part?? Baby Charlotte (Almost two months old) went right to sleep after I fed her 10 minutes into the day, and she slept the entire time we were there! 

Then here this past Tuesday, I had the wonderful chance to go be roped into baby sitting again! Since I can't drive yet, I hopped on the Trax and got down to Sandy, where my wonderful sister Jennifer, picked me up with the 3 kids this time, and we went back to the house. As we got in there my sister told me that the kids had some jobs that they had to do. Stuff to clean their rooms, and other jobs that 3 and 5 year olds have to do. Really easy stuff, and if they would do them they could earn some money. Then Tio Connor (My awesome name) would get the chance to mark off the jobs when they were done. So I know had Kaylie, Cater, and Charlotte, to take care of, and I thought it was going to be an easy job! Just so I could hit the "Easy Button" and hear "That was Easy" but man, that hour was a whole lot harder than the 3 hours the week before with Brandon. Why? Well, as soon as Mommy left, they sure didn't want to do their jobs, and I had to hold Charlotte, hoping to get her to fall asleep, but she was just crying and crying... Now you can probably just imagine this going on in your head, One uncle, with a crying baby in his arms, and two little children who don't want to clean up... Hahaha oh boy was it fun! Finally I got Carter to do his room by giving him the incentive of being able to watch the tv show that he rented from the library a couple of days earlier "Go Diego Go" where he could learn some Spanish like Tio Connor! So he went and made his bed, picked up his toys and clothes and a had a clean room super fast! Now young Kaylie on the other hand was trying to be a little trickster, but its funny, because she didn't know that Mommy had told me before hand that she could be trying to be a trickster, and more than that? That I tried pulling the same tricks as a little boy... ;) She was throwing toys under her sheets, books under her bed, and there was just No way that I was gonna let that happen... So with the crying baby in arms, and bouncing up and down, I told her that she had to move her things. She innocently said that "there isn't anything there..." So we worked in there for a little bit with a crying baby, and then all of a sudden Carter came in there with a bowl of Kaylie's stuff, and he ended up spilling these little beads on and then they were all over the room... So I told him we had to clean them up, so I started to help, and then he ended up doing it a second time, so I helped one more time. Then he did it a third time, and I this time I had to get mad, and get him to clean up, So I picked up Charlotte, because she was still crying and Carter had to pick up the puzzles and pieces. 

Later finally when all the bedrooms were cleaned, we ran down stairs to get the tv show to start for Kaylie and Carter, so they could learn some Spanish!! After I got it started I took Charlotte with me upstairs!! I was thinking that I could maybe put her down on the ground and that she would be fine since she hadn't cried for about 3 minutes! Then when I put her on her stomach for some tummy time, and then I laid down on the couch to catch a few zzz's really fast, she started to cry again... So as I sat there for a little bit, I then realized maybe there is a chance that this is how Heavenly Father feels with us?

This is the part that I need the help of everyone else?? So why is that? Well, there I was, lying down on the couch and just kinda relaxing finally, I wanted to close my eyes for like 5 minutes, but as soon as I closed my eyes, all of a sudden, Baby Charlotte began to cry. "Crap, now I gotta hold her and help her even more." went through my head, and then all of a sudden it made me think of our Heavenly Father. He is up in Heaven relaxing, finally at the end of the day, when all of a sudden, one of us, an imperfect child. starts to cry for help. When he has been helping us the entire day, he has held us in his arms the entire day, he has fed us, changed our diapers, and done everything that he could to help us, so he lays us down, and then he thought he was good, because we were quiet for 30 seconds, and then all of a sudden, we started to cry again, and we want help of our loving Heavenly Father. 

Now here is the part I need help with. How does our Loving Heavenly Father feel about us? Is He just happy to help us out, or is He now like "Oh great, another thing I have to do to help this kid become perfect..." 

I mean we are obviously talking about Heavenly Father, He isn't going to just leave us on the side of the road to deal with things ourselves, so He is going to help us, but I mean, does he ever get annoyed of it? If we are constantly falling to temptation, because we aren't perfect, or because we want to rebel against the church or our families?? I am not sure. I feel, if we rebel, yes he would be mad, but if we just fall to temptation, I don't think that he would be to mad with us. What do you guys think??

Anyways that is what has been on my mind for the past couple of days! I now am going to sign off after putting up some pics of the last week, so I can go and finish editing photos from my last photo shoot!! I am super stoked!! :) Anyways, thanks for readin guys!! 

Connor

We are getting Huge!!  

We had JV Water Polo State this past weekend, and I got to help out with that, the girls took 4th and the boys took 2nd! It was awesome!! 

I got to see my old Water Polo coach Brenna, reffing some games at State! 

Later on during the day Jackson and I both saw her, so we had to take pictures so we can make the guys who are still out on their missions, a little jealous! ;)

The first Photo Shoot that I have done since I got back from my Mission!

Josilyn has become such an Amazing model, just wait for lots of picture of her!! (In fact she is the one I am going to go edit as soon as I am done here)

I got to go see my Best Friend Jayden, on Mothers day in the morning! It was super awesome! He gets home from Africa in August!! #CantWait

Yesterday 4/5 of the boys from my neighborhood got home (+ John Poulsen) Matt Sommercorn one of my all time best friends just got home from his Mission in Washington!! It was super sweet to see him after two years!! 

Yesterday my entire family (Minus 3) went to go and see the Payson temple open house! Wow, it was BEAUTIFUL! Can't wait until it is open, I am going to have to go down there to do some sessions, and work for the dead in there! Can't wait to live together forever with these guys through the temple! 

"Change"

What does the word "Change" mean? Does it mean that you have to "Change" what you like to do? What you like to eat? The things you like to do? The way you are? Who you are? I mean, this is a big question that is really on my mind right now.

Verb: make or become different.

Noun: the act or instance of making or becoming different.

Like I was saying last week, is that coming home from the Mission is Really hard. For more than one reason, but for this post, there is only going to be one reason. "Change"

Change is something that I learned in the mission can be very hard. You have to change a lot. Change companions, change areas, and sometimes even Mission Presidents. Although, I still remember the day that I heard my companion come running down the stairs one P-day and tell me that President Rappleye was on the Phone and wanted to talk with me, and then he told me that I was going to be leaving the next day on an Emergency Transfer to go to my Second Area on the island of Chiloe. I was so excited! To have my fourth companion, my second area, and to start getting to know more of Chile. Although, by the end of my mission, when I was being transferred to my 8th area, I wasn't to excited. I have learned that its not always fun to change areas, companions, wards, stakes, packing up and moving all over again. It's something hard.

When I think of the word "Change" it makes me think of something I talked about in my homecoming talk. The Fourth Missionary.

***

Your life's greatest work is you

As you entered the mission field you concluded one phase of life and began another. To this point many of you have had the protection and close support of family and church leaders and teachers. Now you have moved into a new phase of life on your own. You are essentially on your own. From this point on, you are wholly responsible for what you do and most importantly for who you become.

For the most part, your life is yet ahead of you. What will you do with it?
What will be your greatest work? What will be your most important creation?
I will tell you. Your greatest work: your most important creation is and will ever be you.

What kind of person will you become? By this I do not mean what role in life will you take. I don't mean will you be a cowboy, lawyer, surfer, homemaker, engineer, computer programmer, accountant or the like. I do not refer to what kind of car you will drive; what kind of clothes you will wear; what kind of house you will live in; what kind of spouse you will marry or what kind of family will you raise. I mean, when all of that is removed and there you stand alone, who will you be? I mean, you.

What personality will you have; what strengths; what knowledge; what character; what emotional state; what presence; what qualities; what virtues? What will you look like? What will you sound like? What will it be like to be around you? Who will you be?

Envision and plan for your greatest work. We plan many things in life. We each live in a house that was built from a plan. Someone first envisioned the house in his mind and a plan was then put to paper.

One of my sons had a poster picture of a Porsche Carrera on his bedroom wall. It is a beautiful creation. The lines and symmetry of its design make it a work of art in the opinion of some. That car began somewhere, sometime ago in someone's head. First, someone saw it in his mind and then put it to paper. Someone envisioned it; then plans were prepared, the work was done, and a beautiful car was created.

Some of you have carefully planned your education. You carefully planned your course
selections over these past several years with a view toward college admissions and intended occupations. All of you at some point made a plan to serve a mission, you followed that plan and here you are. Now, hopefully all of you plan the appointments, activities and goals of each day and week.
We plan many things in life. But, have you planned your greatest work? Have you envisioned
who you will become? Do you plan for what kind of person you want to become? Can you see in your mind who you want to be? Do you know?

The choices

As you consider what kind of person you want to become, what choices do you have? The choices are more limited than what you might think. Here are most of the choices, but overall they are a choice between the qualities of light or the qualities of darkness:

Do you want to be powerful or weak?
Certain and confident, or afraid and insecure?
Comfortable with your self or arrogant and abrasive?
Do you want to be filled with light or darkness?
Do you want to have peace or conflict within?
Selfish or generous?
Influential or inconsequential?
Do you want to be free or be a slave?
Happy or miserable?
Do you want to be kind and loving, or mean and cruel?
Honest or dishonest?
Do you want to be forgiving or hard and unforgiving?
Knowledgeable or ignorant?
Do you want to be a person of faith or doubt and fear?
Trustworthy or unreliable?
Hardworking or lazy?
Do you want to be cheerful or despondent?

The first of each of these choices is an attribute of light. They are incorporated into your character
as you choose to follow Christ.

Dynamic process; always changing

As you consider the question of what kind of person you will become, you must understand the
dynamic process of life. You not only can change but you do change all of the time. Sometimes people do not believe this. They excuse their failures and weaknesses by saying: "That's just the way I am." "I am just short tempered, impatient person." I can't get up in the morning. That's just the way I am." "That's my nature." Or, "I'm just shy. That's all. That's just who I am." "I am not really a spiritual person." To believe that weaknesses and deficiencies in your character are unchangeable is to reject the central truth of the plan of salvation. You are not cast in stone. You not only can change but you do change all of the time.

You are a dynamic, changing, evolving being. You are always changing. You never stay the same. You cannot stand still. You are right now the sum total of what you have thought, said, seen, heard and done. What you think, say, do, hear and see, cause you to change; to change for good or evil; to become either stronger or weaker; to either internalize the qualities of light or the qualities of darkness. You are responsible for who you are and you are responsible for who you will become.
Do you know what kind of person you want to become? Do you see in your mind who you want
to be? Do you know?

What manner of men ought ye to be?

Jesus asked a similar question. He said: "What manner of men ought ye to be?" On this particular
occasion he was speaking to his Nephite disciples and so he spoke in the male gender, but the question applies to us all, and so, He asks of you: "What manner of men and women ought ye to be?" Then answering His own question he said, "Even as I am." Jesus Christ not only came to atone for our sins; He also came to show us the way. He is the Way. You not only may become like Him; everything is stacked in your favor to become like Him.

Jesus Christ not only came to atone for our sins; He also came to show us the way. He is the
Way. You not only may become like Him; everything is stacked in your favor to become like Him.

Think of this life as a path on which you never stand still. As you move forward, you incorporate
into your being the characteristics and qualities of God. As you move backward you assimilate the
qualities of Satan.

Every challenge you face, every hard thing you confront, every bad thing that happens to you,
every unfairness, every conflict, every sadness, tragedy, every disappointment and heartache, every
temptation and every opposition happens for one purpose only: to give you opportunity to respond by
applying in your life the teachings of Jesus. As you do so you are changed to become more like Him.
If you were never presented with some advantage to be gained by dishonesty, such as
recognition, or money, or a better grade on a test or avoidance of punishment or embarrassment, you
could never develop integrity. If no one ever offended you, you could never learn to forgive or internalize mercy. Were you never wearied by the annoying behavior of another or the repeated failures of someone else you could never become patient. Were you never subjected to the appetites and passions of the physical body for food, for water and for sexual fulfillment you could not develop self mastery. Without opposition the plan would be frustrated, you could not progress and the purpose of life would be unachievable.

In short when you choose to follow Christ you move forward and assimilate attributes of light;
when you do not, you move backward and acquire attributes of darkness.

Can you see, have you seen, who you want to be? What will happen if you don't plan. What will
happen if you have no vision of who you want to become?

There are two ways of evolving: deliberately and accidentally. You can either decide who you
want to become and deliberately work toward that end, or you can just go with the flow and become
whatever life makes of you. In that event, you will become whatever the fickle circumstances and forces of life and society will make of you; whatever is currently considered to be popular or in; whatever is easiest. But, whatever you become accidentally it will not be nearly the full measure of our potential. You will become just someone, somewhere in the middle.

***

This is something that honestly "Changed" my Mission, more than that? It "Changed" me. It changed the way how I looked at the mission, how I served my mission, who I was, who I was becoming, and who I am now.

The whole reason that I decided to bring up this topic of "Change" is because yesterday I was talking with a really close friend of mine, and she told me something. "You haven't changed at all." It's kinda funny when she said this, it made me think of something that my Mom said to me a couple weeks ago right as I returned home. She said "It's like you have never left." So I asked my friend to explain a little more and she said; "Well, you are exactly like you were in high school, like exactly! and you got home and found out nobody is the same still. Everybody had moved on with life, everybody had moved away and gone their seperate ways, grown up, and just changed and you are the same still, and you don't really like that, or at least that is the way you act at least."

Well, let me tell you, I HATE Change. It has been the hardest thing to have to deal with for the past two years, and then look at this I come home, and EVERYTHING is different. My niece is HUGE and going to school, both of my nephews talk a WHOLE bunch not just "mama" and I even have a new niece. There are so many things in Murray buildings, programs, people. My ward is different, because not everyone I knew is there. My friends are not all here anymore, some are in college, others moved away, and others are out in the mission. The hardest thing? I have some new feelings about things, but they aren't feelings I am very found of. Being sick and all, with epilepsy things, that I use to enjoy, I get these stupid feelings that have made me have to "Change." So it's super hard, because even though I have a Very Loving family and all, I feel like I am dealing with all this "Change" on my own.

Here is the thing that gets me about what my friend said. "And I think you don't like it because you left right after you graduated, and everyone started real life. You left to a foreign country and never changed, and came back and everyone else had, and that's hard." 

At first I was kinda offended reading that part. Thinking, wow... Really? I haven't changed and so that's why all of this has gone down. Well, I received some palos (Sticks) to the face, because right after having this conversation I was at the CES fireside last night downtown in the Tabernacle with Elder Lynn G. Robins, it was great, but I realized I shouldn't be offended, and should be forgiving, and that was some of the personal revelation that I received from the talk. Since then, I have been thinking a lot about my Mission, and thinking A LOT about the word "Change." 

I feel that, yes. If you look at my physical being, I pretty much have not changed. I did not grow at all on my mission, I am still just tall. Even though I ate EVERY. LITTLE. THING. in front of me in the mission, and that I have changed so much that I Love food now, I only gained .2 lbs so yeah 155.2 hahahaha oh man how I laughed when I saw that the first time the day I got home at the doctor office... Maybe my hair doesn't look too different, or whatever else you might want to look at me, but there are many things that have changed about me, since I left on my Mission in July of 2013.

What are some of those things? Well, like I said in the paragraph above, Connor Holt likes to eat now. Before the mission, I sure didn't. I was a "Picky Eater" and I also never had the time to eat, but it's okay, because I now eat everything that is on my plate in front of me, and you know what? I have learned to Love food. I loved to talk before the mission, like a ton!! Wasn't really a fan of listening very much, but now I LOVE to just listen to people talk! To listen to their life story, in fact it's something I did this very morning! I went and listened to the World War II stories of  my 97 year old Grandfather! I have changed in the way I think about woman. Before  my mission, I am a little ashamed of thinking this, but it was "Wow, she is pretty, I want to date her." and that would be how I judged things. Now i realized that Woman are so Important and just like President Monson said in General Conference during the Priesthood Session of 2012 "Every Woman deserves to be told she is Beautiful." I am not out to just "Get some" but I am out to find a Beautiful woman to one day become my Eternal Companion, who will share her life with me, and want to be with me for all Eternity. With that Beautiful Woman? Well, I want to have Children now, I sure didn't WANT that before the mission, like yeah, kids would be cool, but one of my favorite lessons to teach on my mission was "The Plan of Salvation" or something that really shows us how Families can live together FOREVER and how I need to have kids to let them come to this Earth and have a life, and that I can help them, and I just want to have a "Cute little family" to take care of. (yes you can take a chip out of the "Man Card" because I just said "Cute." Here is where the real "Change" comes in. Before the mission, a big pet peeve of mine were "Sunday Mormons" Not a fan. Still not, but here is what I have realized. That was kinda me before the mission, lots of people thought that I was a great member of my church, but I didn't always make the best decisions, and it took me a lot of "Change" and becoming a whole lot more Humble to be able to accept that, and to Repent and to "Change." I thought that I liked reading the scriptures before my mission, but wow... Did I "Change" my study habbits on the mission. I sure LOVE to Study the scriptures now, I didn't even finish the Book of Mormon on my mission, I started 1Nephi 1 on July 17, 2013 and before I came home I had just finished Helaman. I am now in 3 Nephi, it has been hard to study since I returned home, but I LOVE the Scriptures, and the Revelation that one can receive through studies. You should see my scriptures, they are SUPER COLORFUL! Now, one of the last things I will talk about "Change." There is a word that I like and its "MAN" this word liking came from my 9th grade seminary class, when I learned to like reading the scriptures, and where my teacher Brother Pond, taught me how to study the scriptures, this is where I found my favorite scripture, and I still remember the day that he told us about this scripture. I took some pointers... ;) Well, this scripture can be found in Alma 48:17-18 but at this time it was just 17 that I really liked, I didn't know about 18 really. (As you can see by looking at my Missionary Plaque) This scripture says;

17 Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.

Now, Brother Pond said. "Boys, if you want to know who a 'Real Man' is and who you should be like, look at Moroni. Girls, you are gonna want to find a 'Real Man' one day to marry in the Temple." So i definitely sat a little taller, and tried to puff out my chest a little bit more, but I really didn't understand this scripture at the time. I found a really cool truck in Chile, and I Loved this picture, it was my favorite that I took on the mission!! But here, before I could become a "Real Man" I would need to understand the next verse a little...

18 Behold, he was a man like unto Ammon, the son of Mosiah, yea, and even the other sons of Mosiah, yea, and also Alma and his sons, for they were all men of God.

So it's not just to be a "Man" but it is to be a "Man of God" and that is something that I sure feel I have studied out in the past two years, and if I haven't "Changed" for what other people like, I sure have tried to "Change" to become a better "Man" by becoming a "Man of God." That is why it is my favorite scripture, it sure has changed my life.

The Fourth Missionary Ending

***

Now. I have this last question for you. The Second, Third and Fourth Missionaries, all give two years of their lives. They all give equally their time, and energy. They all eat the same food. They all face the same challenges and encounter the same fears. They all sleep in the same quarters. They all walk the same dusty roads in the heat of the afternoon. They all leave behind girl friends, and sports, and school and everything that was or could have been for these two years. They all conclude their missions. They all go back and speak in sacrament meeting and go on with their lives. My question is this: Why do all of that and not benefit personally by it? Why?

Do you see that I am not talking: about obedience: rather I am talking to you about intelligence. I am telling you that there is only one intelligent wav to serve a mission; the wav that will bless. and benefit. and change, and uplift. and empower. and ennoble you; your life, your spirit, your character, you. That is the wav of the Fourth Missionary. It is the only intelligent way to go.

Now you know. Now you can choose. It is up to you. Serving as the First or Second Missionaries is notacceptable. I expect you to be at least Number Three. If you are smart you will chose to be Number Four.

If I have an army of #3 Missionaries I will look like a successful mission president. I will go home to a ticker tape parade along South Temple Street. Throngs of people will line the streets and chant my name in praise and wonder, but in truth, in my heart I will know that I failed. I do not just want you to look the part of a disciple of Christ; I want you to be a disciple of Christ. My primary mission is you. My focus is you. My concern is your happiness, and I know that neither the First. Second or Third Missionary is happy and content, nor can he be. You need to be the Fourth Missionary, not for me, but for you. It is the only intelligent thing to do. It is up to you.

***

So here is the thing, I have learned. I need to Change, but I don't need to just follow the crowd, but I need to Change in the way that the Lord wants me to, to become yet again, a better "Man of God." If this friend, doesn't like the way that I have changed? Well, she can go and be friends with others then, because to me? I feel like I really have changed, maybe not that much in looks, but I know who I am, and what I want out of life. Do you?

What's Up with my Life??

I got to hold my youngest niece Charlotte for the first time! 

This is my sport, really though, no one knows it....

After going to watch The Avengers 2 the other night we went to McDonalds, and this guys was just in there sleeping at 4 in the morning... 

Graduation for my brother from the big world of College Que Suerte!

My first date since I got home from the Mission with Amanda Lundberg, we went to the Real Soccer game!

Looks like he'll never make it...

I made it a couple of yeras ago... ;)

I Love this guy so much! Through this temple, we can live together forever!! (After the CES Fireside last night)

I was bugging my old Choir Teacher this morning, Scotty!

From 9-10am i had a good morning nap with Grandpa Hale :) "ZZZ"

The "Real" World

Wow, I really don't even know where to start...

How about with this? Since I have gotten home, now almost 4 weeks ago... (Where has the time gone?!) I have received a job. I am a Life Guard again at the Murray Rec center, but I have been offered two other Jobs, a Desk Job. (But lots of guys from MHS work there and apparently its lots of fun) and also a salesman job where I could make $1500 a week! So there is a chance that I may be changing here shortly. I am not so sure on that part yet.

Photography?? Well, ya'lls know that I  LOVE IT! I have my first photo shoot this Saturday! It'll be pretty fun! I am doing Senior pictures of a Best Friend who is gonna be graduating here in June! Maybe if I am lucky, I will have one with one of my favorite models Josilyn Harsh (Who has literally gone PRO in modeling since I left on the Mission).

Girlfriend? Well, that's out too. We had a big talk sesh this last week and we ended up breaking up (Mutually) so we are out on that one, so if anyone wants to go on a date This guy is open, willing, ready, whatever you want to call it to go out!!

I have a really close friend from the mission, that I only spent 3 weeks with. His name is Alex York. The kid is Awesome! He was a District Leader of mine in a REALLY hard time of my mission. He did a lot for me. Really is a true friend. Although when he finished his mission last November, I remember receiving and email from him! Now let me just say one thing about this kid, in his mission, he was a legend with his scriptures and personal study times!! He did so much! In this email that I received from him, I remember him telling me that it was so hard to keep on reading and doing all the stuff we do every single day as missionaries, because it is in our Agenda every single day. When you get home? There is no horario or Agenda that is the same every single day. Maybe when you have like 45 years and you are in your job that is your everyday profession or something, but even then?? Everyday really isn't "The Same". The thing is, Sadly over these past 4 weeks of being here in the house, I have had like NO TIME to myself... Today? I  sure did, that is why I am writing this. But don't worry I read my scriptures first! Haha it's been something super hard, but it really has been so hard to keep reading my scriptures everyday! Which is something really hard for me, because my goal in the Mission was to just finish the Book of Mormon before I had to come home (Didn't work) I read it 1 and a half times in Spanish, I am in like Alma  25 in Spanish and in English? I started Day one in the MTC in Mexico with 1Nephi 1 and before I came home, I was just entering 3Nephi 1. So yeah, I am still not done, that kinda makes me sad, but it is because I have really taken a liking, more like a LOVING to the Scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon over the past 22 months. I didn't just READ the Book of Mormon on my mission (Except in Spanish), but I STUDIED the Book of Mormon in my Mission. It's kinda cool, because this actually helps me understand a little better my Patriarchal blessing a little better as well.

Okay, one thing that I love and hate? Is the time that I came home. I Love it, because I now have the wonderful chance to see all the home comings of almost all the Missionaries I got to see all of their farewells, and surprise them that I am home! Now the part that I am not a fan of? Is even though I have lots of friends who are here, and who have shown their Love for me in the past couple of weeks, I still have to be patient and wait for some more friends to get home so I can be with them! I mean, you can't just change the Best of Best friends! Like Jayden Beardall, Shaurie Coleman, Brooke Barker, and especially Adam Jones! When these guys are all home, that will really make life better for me!!

Something that one of my best friends said a couple weeks ago in one of her letters home to the family (This was something I read right before I came home from Chile) really hit me. At this time I was really questioning "Why do I have to go home Early?" In her email, there is something that was very important that helped me out a whole bunch! There is something the father of President Hinckley always did while President Hickley was on his Mission. He always sent him inspirational things to help him always be ready to serve. One of the Scriptures that his dad sent him you can find in Mark 5:36 which Christ states "Be not afraid, only Believe." This is where my friend starts in her part of the story, she said that this scripture reminded her in a study of a scripture found in the Book of Mormon 5:23 "Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God?" "We have every reason to trust in our creator. Things will work out, because He is in charge, and He never forgets us." Right there. That is what made me okay to come home early, and I am so thankful to this friend who wrote this in her email. In fact I am at this very moment, in the process of writing her a hand written letter personally thanking her for that very part of the email. It was an answer to my prayers, and has helped me. Really? Just writing that down right now, and thinking about it again, has helped me with the last thing I will be writing about in this post.

Something that I have had to do since I have returned home from the Mission is help in remodeling the basement. Well, Finishing the basement (I Know, what a surprise! The Holt family is FINALLY doing it!) haha but here is the thing, My dear Uncle Bruce, who is in charge of it. I have had a couple days of being down there with him alone and just helping him. Something that changed on my mission about me, is before the mission I was a BIG Talker, I almost Always got in trouble during class for talking... Now? I am definitely much more of a listener, and I just enjoy to listen and to think about everything. So with my lucky chances of doing this with my dear uncle Bruce, he sure has taught me two very important lessons. Something I will never forget and will always remember for the rest of my life, and probably be teaching to my Friends, Kids, Nephews, Grand kids, etc.
     #1 "6 months after a Missionary returns home from his mission, everyone will know what kind of Returned Missionary was." Meaning, if he was a first missionary, second missionary, third missionary, or fourth missionary. If you don't understand those four types of missionaries, you should go and read this talk, it changed my Entire mission. The Fourth Missionary Now for those of you who still don't understand those terms, it means if you come home, and in 6 months time, you are attending all of your church meetings, doing your home/visiting teaching, you are paying your tithing, reading your scriptures, going to the temple, have a missionary haircut, etc. etc. etc. you Obviously were a "Fourth Missionary" or a Really good missionary. On the other hand, if you haven't shaved, for a while, have long and scrappy hair, skip church, don't go to the temple, and what not, etc. etc. etc. Maybe you didn't serve the best that you could of, and it actually explains this in the talk of "The Fourth Missionary".
    #2 "Returning home from a Mission is A lot harder than it is to leave and go out" I agree completely with this statement. He actually told me about this one yesterday while we were in the basement working on dry walling. I've been thinking A LOT about this one in the past 24 hours, and it seriously has been so hard to be home in the past 4 weeks, a lot has happened. I mean, throughout my mission, there would be times where I would think "Wow, I can't wait till I can go home, so that I can get back to the "Real" world or so I can get back to dating girls, or so I can go back and do some crazy things that the mission won't let me do." hahaha that is what would every now and then come up on my mind. When I was told that I would be coming home in the back of my mind I was secretly happy and hoping that I could come home, (Saturday night) of General Conference, then on Monday morning the Zone Leaders called us and told us that me and my companion would be going home this following Wednesday for Transfers, because of our Sicknesses (They put me with my companion to take care of him and his sickness, but in the end it was really him taking care of me...). Well, after buying lunch for our Zone leaders, and buying gifts for our families, we went to the cibier (Cyber cafe) to write families, and right as we got there, I heard the ring tone, that in the beginning of my mission would of made crap my pants if I heard it. The ring tone of Presidente Obeso. He asked me how I was feeling, then said that I would be going to Santiago to visit the doctors there later on in the week, because he really didn't want me to go home. So I said Thank you! Then I got on the computer and started talking with my Dad about all of the things that were going on. He then said "The Stake President just called saying that your mission nurse called and told him that you had another seizure on Sunday is that true?" I said yes and so he told me "Well, that could change everything, you could be coming home then." and that was the last I heard about the problem until the next morning. On Tuesday morning, I right after District meeting had ended, I received a phone call from a number that we didn't have registered, so I picked it up, and said "Halo" (with a British Accent, that's how we answer telefonos there in Chile) and it just happened to be the Mission Doctor for like all of South America up in Santiago and he wanted to ask me how I was feeling and all about this "Seizure Problem" I have had, so I told him everything that I knew about since the MTC in Mexico. Then in the end I asked him "Am I still coming to Santiago?" Then he replied "You could be coming to Santiago, going home, or staying in your mission." Great.... Now I didn't have an answer, but another option... #Thanks So i still had no idea what was going on, so it was nice, when the ZLs called and told me, you should probably pack your bags, since we believe you are at least going to Osorno (Where the Mission Home is) tomorrow morning for transfers. They'll deal with you there. So that is what I did. When I reached the Bus terminal in Osorno, I was welcomed by the Other Elder Holt, who is from my group, and who has my same sickness. He said, "Are you coming home with me?!" I told him the same thing I just told all of you guys, but in a much shorter version, and he said "Well, I dunno what is gonna happen with you, but I have to go to Matta (The Church building where everything is held in Osorno) So you should just come with me!" When we got there, there were was a pair of the couple missionaries who had two plates of spaghetti and said "Elder Holt and Elder Holt we have been waiting for you, here is your food!" Which was placed right next to all the elders who were finishing their mission that day, so in that moment I knew I was going home, but it sure wasn't a happy feeling, because I was completely unready for it... Anyways, going back to #2 what my Uncle Bruce told me. Really the past 4 weeks, have just been so hard, I think a big reason, is because I haven't really had anytime to just sit down and rest... UNTIL TODAY! Wow, it has been Great to just sit around today, i can't lie. But I really don't know how to describe it, it just is hard. I am sure there are other RMs who understand what I am trying to say!

Now the last part, ("finally" is what you are all thinking, I know.) Here is the hardest thing about being home! This last week, I had the chance to go to the hospital to have some tests done for my sickness, (The reason I came home two transfers early from my mission.) I had an EEG and an MRI done in IMC here in Murray. In Chile, I had an EEG, MRI, and a CT scan. Anyways, when I got the results back this past Friday, the nurse told me "The EEG results are the same as the ones from Chile, there is something in the front left side of your brain. The results from the Super Close in MRI says nothing new, there is nothing there. So the Doctor has said, 'keep taking your pills and we'll see you in September...'" WHAT?! That is pretty much what they told me in Chile, and they told me I had to come home early to visit better doctors here in the States... I was taking the same medication there, and I could have finished my mission... Grr..... (This is why I like that thing that my best friend said in her email, because obviously there is a reason why I am home, and I just need to trust in the Lord and He will guide me and let me know why.) I have been lucky, until yesterday, to of not had any of these seizures here at home for the past week, or if you have read my Mission blog "The Feeling." Yesterday, I had 7... Oh boy, that really sucked, sleeping last night? Was awesome because I sure slept a lot, from like 10:50 pm until like... What I thought I had slept in a long time at 7:20 am so I went back to sleep until 8:45 this morning, although not sure if I liked the dreams very well. Anyways, here is the thing these seizures, or "The Feeling" nobody understands it, I don't even understand it and it has been almost 2 years since I started to feel it... Although EVERYONE wants to know how it feels, my companions, my mission presidente, the doctors, my friends, my Mom.. I DON'T KNOW. I have tried to explain it so many times! I just can not wait until one day I am perfect, and then I can explain it, or just give you the chance to feel it, just so you can know... I hate it! But really? That is the biggest reason why it is so hard to be home right now, but now you are all caught up in my life. Now? I have to go right all that same stuff down in my journal hahaha

and now I am off to go to a SLCC Scholarship meeting from receiving the Presidential Scholarship two years ago! I Love you all and thanks for reading!! \

Elder (Not) Connor Holt

here are some pictures of the past couple of weeks since I have gotten home to keep you all updated on me too!!

The Day I got home

I can Finally drink Mate now! :D

My new phone has 18 Mega Pixels (Thats the same as my camera for photography...)

It snowed the week I got home, JUST for me, so I could see snow, since it had been more than two years....

My toe, definitely looks better than this now, but it is healing! woo hoo!

Life guard certified again! Woot!

Had the chance to have a "Family Reunion" and be with my Trainer, and the kid I trained in the Mission (Had to come home a little early, but will shortly be leaving again soon).

I get to be with me New companion my Best Friend Jayden Beardall!! 

Jayden and I surprized the Ruben Family

 Also Mama Nelson

I got to visit the Ross Family, I have known this family for such a long time and are dear friends of mine!

I am being the Goalie coach for Spartan Water Polo, here are the games for the rest of the season!! 

We had a basement flood last week, and had to clean that one up real fast! 

One of the Neighborhood boys came home from the Mission and I Love the heck out of him!

Still Love hugs from Girls

Three out of the 5 from the Neighborhood boys are now home!

My Photography was printed! :)

Most importantly, I got to hold my new niece Charlotte Aleen Call, for the first time the other day! She is so dang cute! :)

The New Life

Wow, well I have just gotten back from serving a Mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Osorno, Chile. It was Amazing. If you want to read about my expierence, there is another blog you can go and check out! This Blog, so Click Here It was truly Amazing. I Learned so much! But now I think I am going to keep going with this blogging stuff, because it is kinda fun. So we will see what really happens in the life of Connor Holt and see truly what are some of his Adventures here in this wonderful life!! So I am honestly super excited to start doing this! So just so you all can see and know who is going to be writing here in this blog, here is a picture of me, two years ago right before I left on the Mission, that really just explains who I am. :) Love you all, and thanks for reading, stay tuned for more real soon!!

Life in General

Shoot, its been awhile since I have written anything. Well, what can I say right now? Life isn't bad, so I guess that means its good? Yeah, we'll go with that. I have no complaints! I have a job as a life guard still at Murray, I am interning for Swensen Photography, there is a Beautiful girl who I think is just the cutest thing, and I am still Mormon. What more can I ask for?
I guess since the last time I wrote there have been a lot of things that have happened. I don't even know where to start, I lost my grandma about a month ago, I have messed relationships up with friends, I am not on the swim team anymore, I have done a bunch of photo shoots, I miss how life use to be, there is lots that has happened, but life is getting better everyday.
Last weekend was Black Friday, and can I say it was the most fun I have ever had on a black friday ever? Not that I have only been out for two black fridays or anything... I started out by going to Target with my exchange student Erik and another exchange student named Jesper. We stood in line for two hours from Seven until the store opened at Nine. When it opened I had Jesper run and get a keyboard that turned out to be really dumb, while Erik and I ran to the xboxs, as we were running we got a cart, and the people in front of us where the xbox bundles were grabbed like 15 of them and ran off, so Erik and I grabbed five, and in the end we sold two of them in the store and got 35 bucks after all the other xboxs were already taken. Then we gave the other three away cause we wanted to get out of there before the lines made it to crazy to weeve through and get out of the store! So after that we ended hooking up with Cami and Niccole, and we took off over to Fashion Place mall and stood in line from Ten until Midnight, then as the clock struck Twelve, all hell broke lose and everyone ran in the mall. (Mostly H&M) and then we all parted ways until we met up later after our first stores, and we stopped at Panda at 2 AM and sat down for the next hour and a half, and just talked. Then we all went home and slept the rest of the morning!
Pretty much it was a great weekend! I ended up buying Halo 4 the next morning for like 37.50 each for two copies. One for me and one for my brother Brandon. When I found out that I could have bought them for 30.00 each at Target... I didn't even think about looking there!!! Ugh. Oh well, it was still better then 60.00 each!
Well, that is catching up on my life a little more, I will hopefully start blogging a little more often, because I literally just forget all the time... But I think its lots of fun!

Well, catch ya later.

Rough Times

For those of you who read this; here is my statement. Life can be very tough, yes, even for me. Some People believe that I am the happiest kid alive. Well, I will admit that I sure do try! But even when I do try, something's still get me down. It's been a rough month. It's almost been a month and a half now that I think about it.
Back on July 21st the girl I was absolutely in Love with, decided to break up with me. I'm not saying this was a good or bad thing because I myself still haven't figured it out yet. One thing I will say now is that, even now, when she is not my girlfriend anymore she is still on my mind all the time.
I have realized today that it is time that I start to let go even more, it is way to easy to get frustrated and mad in this life on earth. I haven't ever stopped her tweets from coming to my phone since she broke up with me, so when something about me came up I would know and I could see what was going on in her life since she won't talk to me now. Here is the thing though, that sentence I said above here where I said "it's to easy to get frustrated and mad" yeah, we'll its true! Last week on Sunday I heard so many things about forgiveness I felt I was being told by God that I needed to forgive someone in my life. I say there and thought about it and I realized this person must be her, the girl who will never leave my thoughts, the girl who I fell I'm love with, the girl I told myself that I would stop loving, the girl who I am still in Love with.
So when I figured this out, I sent her a text stating the fact that I was forgiving her, I didn't get a reply. I was sad at this fact, but why should I get a reply? Why would that one text be any different from the rest? Why would she choose to text me now? Well that's the thing, she didn't. I guess I was just hoping she would say something like, she would forgive me, so that way I could see her name show up on my phone one more time. It never did happen though.
Today I was asked by a close friend of hers if I was mad at her, I told her I wasn't because thinking to myself I forgave her. She told me "that's not what it seems to sound like on twitter" i sat there thinking to myself; "wow, she is right." even though people have told me she has been mean to me on twitter and what not, it's not like I have been any better. So, I figured out a solution, that I would finally stop her tweets coming to my phone, as hard as it will be not seeing anything from her anymore. It will be better, I won't get so frustrated I hope.
 I tell myself that I am over her. I honestly don't know though, am I? I mean, she is in my thoughts at least 80% of the day, I wonder what she thinks of me in the halls now that school starts, she is the person that I wonder if she even notices me at school now. It kills me to know I won't be able to talk to her, i miss the great friendship we once had.
She once told me "it's better if we break up to save our friendship, then to stay together and let it be killed." but you know either way, I feel it was a lose lose situation for me. Because I lost her friendship and it was killed. There is nothing left.
The only thing I can do, is hope she will talk to someone who I am standing close to me, just so I can hear her voice again. I miss hearing her laugh, it was something that brightened my day always.
She once got mad at me for posting stuff on social media websites she doesn't have, so if she reads this, i sure hope she will forgive me for doing it again, because this is my way to getting feelings out. I hate it when people see me sad in real life, that's why I fake things really well now days. It took a lot of practice sophomore year, when I lost some dearly close friends of mine.
This is about all I have for this post though, it is time to go to bed and get ready for day two of school. Goodnight those of you who will read this.

Amazon

Amazon is a freakin wonderful thing!

I am not talking about this. ^^

But this ^^

I just bought $870ish worth of stuff today! I decided it has been 3 years since I have had an ipod, so I just bought a new itouch 32 gig that is the 4th gen and white! Then I bought some Camera stuff for my photography stuff, I was just planning on buying an external flash today, but then after I saw I deal I just couldn't resist! I bought the Canon 600ex-rt flash which is their latest model of external flashes and then on the other side, I bought 2 new batteries, a clicker for taking pictures away from the camera, and then a lens hood for the lens I usually use for the all the photo shoots I do! So let's hope it works great, cause I just went on a Shopping Spree...