For those of you who read this; here is my statement. Life can be very tough, yes, even for me. Some People believe that I am the happiest kid alive. Well, I will admit that I sure do try! But even when I do try, something's still get me down. It's been a rough month. It's almost been a month and a half now that I think about it.
Back on July 21st the girl I was absolutely in Love with, decided to break up with me. I'm not saying this was a good or bad thing because I myself still haven't figured it out yet. One thing I will say now is that, even now, when she is not my girlfriend anymore she is still on my mind all the time.
I have realized today that it is time that I start to let go even more, it is way to easy to get frustrated and mad in this life on earth. I haven't ever stopped her tweets from coming to my phone since she broke up with me, so when something about me came up I would know and I could see what was going on in her life since she won't talk to me now. Here is the thing though, that sentence I said above here where I said "it's to easy to get frustrated and mad" yeah, we'll its true! Last week on Sunday I heard so many things about forgiveness I felt I was being told by God that I needed to forgive someone in my life. I say there and thought about it and I realized this person must be her, the girl who will never leave my thoughts, the girl who I fell I'm love with, the girl I told myself that I would stop loving, the girl who I am still in Love with.
So when I figured this out, I sent her a text stating the fact that I was forgiving her, I didn't get a reply. I was sad at this fact, but why should I get a reply? Why would that one text be any different from the rest? Why would she choose to text me now? Well that's the thing, she didn't. I guess I was just hoping she would say something like, she would forgive me, so that way I could see her name show up on my phone one more time. It never did happen though.
Today I was asked by a close friend of hers if I was mad at her, I told her I wasn't because thinking to myself I forgave her. She told me "that's not what it seems to sound like on twitter" i sat there thinking to myself; "wow, she is right." even though people have told me she has been mean to me on twitter and what not, it's not like I have been any better. So, I figured out a solution, that I would finally stop her tweets coming to my phone, as hard as it will be not seeing anything from her anymore. It will be better, I won't get so frustrated I hope.
I tell myself that I am over her. I honestly don't know though, am I? I mean, she is in my thoughts at least 80% of the day, I wonder what she thinks of me in the halls now that school starts, she is the person that I wonder if she even notices me at school now. It kills me to know I won't be able to talk to her, i miss the great friendship we once had.
She once told me "it's better if we break up to save our friendship, then to stay together and let it be killed." but you know either way, I feel it was a lose lose situation for me. Because I lost her friendship and it was killed. There is nothing left.
The only thing I can do, is hope she will talk to someone who I am standing close to me, just so I can hear her voice again. I miss hearing her laugh, it was something that brightened my day always.
She once got mad at me for posting stuff on social media websites she doesn't have, so if she reads this, i sure hope she will forgive me for doing it again, because this is my way to getting feelings out. I hate it when people see me sad in real life, that's why I fake things really well now days. It took a lot of practice sophomore year, when I lost some dearly close friends of mine.
This is about all I have for this post though, it is time to go to bed and get ready for day two of school. Goodnight those of you who will read this.
