A Day and Adventure in the Life of Connor: May 2015

What does the word "Change" mean? Does it mean that you have to "Change" what you like to do? What you like to eat? The things you like to do? The way you are? Who you are? I mean, this is a big question that is really on my mind right now.

Verb: make or become different.

Noun: the act or instance of making or becoming different.

Like I was saying last week, is that coming home from the Mission is Really hard. For more than one reason, but for this post, there is only going to be one reason. "Change"

Change is something that I learned in the mission can be very hard. You have to change a lot. Change companions, change areas, and sometimes even Mission Presidents. Although, I still remember the day that I heard my companion come running down the stairs one P-day and tell me that President Rappleye was on the Phone and wanted to talk with me, and then he told me that I was going to be leaving the next day on an Emergency Transfer to go to my Second Area on the island of Chiloe. I was so excited! To have my fourth companion, my second area, and to start getting to know more of Chile. Although, by the end of my mission, when I was being transferred to my 8th area, I wasn't to excited. I have learned that its not always fun to change areas, companions, wards, stakes, packing up and moving all over again. It's something hard.

When I think of the word "Change" it makes me think of something I talked about in my homecoming talk. The Fourth Missionary.

***

Your life's greatest work is you

As you entered the mission field you concluded one phase of life and began another. To this point many of you have had the protection and close support of family and church leaders and teachers. Now you have moved into a new phase of life on your own. You are essentially on your own. From this point on, you are wholly responsible for what you do and most importantly for who you become.

For the most part, your life is yet ahead of you. What will you do with it?
What will be your greatest work? What will be your most important creation?
I will tell you. Your greatest work: your most important creation is and will ever be you.

What kind of person will you become? By this I do not mean what role in life will you take. I don't mean will you be a cowboy, lawyer, surfer, homemaker, engineer, computer programmer, accountant or the like. I do not refer to what kind of car you will drive; what kind of clothes you will wear; what kind of house you will live in; what kind of spouse you will marry or what kind of family will you raise. I mean, when all of that is removed and there you stand alone, who will you be? I mean, you.

What personality will you have; what strengths; what knowledge; what character; what emotional state; what presence; what qualities; what virtues? What will you look like? What will you sound like? What will it be like to be around you? Who will you be?

Envision and plan for your greatest work. We plan many things in life. We each live in a house that was built from a plan. Someone first envisioned the house in his mind and a plan was then put to paper.

One of my sons had a poster picture of a Porsche Carrera on his bedroom wall. It is a beautiful creation. The lines and symmetry of its design make it a work of art in the opinion of some. That car began somewhere, sometime ago in someone's head. First, someone saw it in his mind and then put it to paper. Someone envisioned it; then plans were prepared, the work was done, and a beautiful car was created.

Some of you have carefully planned your education. You carefully planned your course
selections over these past several years with a view toward college admissions and intended occupations. All of you at some point made a plan to serve a mission, you followed that plan and here you are. Now, hopefully all of you plan the appointments, activities and goals of each day and week.
We plan many things in life. But, have you planned your greatest work? Have you envisioned
who you will become? Do you plan for what kind of person you want to become? Can you see in your mind who you want to be? Do you know?

The choices

As you consider what kind of person you want to become, what choices do you have? The choices are more limited than what you might think. Here are most of the choices, but overall they are a choice between the qualities of light or the qualities of darkness:

Do you want to be powerful or weak?
Certain and confident, or afraid and insecure?
Comfortable with your self or arrogant and abrasive?
Do you want to be filled with light or darkness?
Do you want to have peace or conflict within?
Selfish or generous?
Influential or inconsequential?
Do you want to be free or be a slave?
Happy or miserable?
Do you want to be kind and loving, or mean and cruel?
Honest or dishonest?
Do you want to be forgiving or hard and unforgiving?
Knowledgeable or ignorant?
Do you want to be a person of faith or doubt and fear?
Trustworthy or unreliable?
Hardworking or lazy?
Do you want to be cheerful or despondent?

The first of each of these choices is an attribute of light. They are incorporated into your character
as you choose to follow Christ.

Dynamic process; always changing

As you consider the question of what kind of person you will become, you must understand the
dynamic process of life. You not only can change but you do change all of the time. Sometimes people do not believe this. They excuse their failures and weaknesses by saying: "That's just the way I am." "I am just short tempered, impatient person." I can't get up in the morning. That's just the way I am." "That's my nature." Or, "I'm just shy. That's all. That's just who I am." "I am not really a spiritual person." To believe that weaknesses and deficiencies in your character are unchangeable is to reject the central truth of the plan of salvation. You are not cast in stone. You not only can change but you do change all of the time.

You are a dynamic, changing, evolving being. You are always changing. You never stay the same. You cannot stand still. You are right now the sum total of what you have thought, said, seen, heard and done. What you think, say, do, hear and see, cause you to change; to change for good or evil; to become either stronger or weaker; to either internalize the qualities of light or the qualities of darkness. You are responsible for who you are and you are responsible for who you will become.
Do you know what kind of person you want to become? Do you see in your mind who you want
to be? Do you know?

What manner of men ought ye to be?

Jesus asked a similar question. He said: "What manner of men ought ye to be?" On this particular
occasion he was speaking to his Nephite disciples and so he spoke in the male gender, but the question applies to us all, and so, He asks of you: "What manner of men and women ought ye to be?" Then answering His own question he said, "Even as I am." Jesus Christ not only came to atone for our sins; He also came to show us the way. He is the Way. You not only may become like Him; everything is stacked in your favor to become like Him.

Jesus Christ not only came to atone for our sins; He also came to show us the way. He is the
Way. You not only may become like Him; everything is stacked in your favor to become like Him.

Think of this life as a path on which you never stand still. As you move forward, you incorporate
into your being the characteristics and qualities of God. As you move backward you assimilate the
qualities of Satan.

Every challenge you face, every hard thing you confront, every bad thing that happens to you,
every unfairness, every conflict, every sadness, tragedy, every disappointment and heartache, every
temptation and every opposition happens for one purpose only: to give you opportunity to respond by
applying in your life the teachings of Jesus. As you do so you are changed to become more like Him.
If you were never presented with some advantage to be gained by dishonesty, such as
recognition, or money, or a better grade on a test or avoidance of punishment or embarrassment, you
could never develop integrity. If no one ever offended you, you could never learn to forgive or internalize mercy. Were you never wearied by the annoying behavior of another or the repeated failures of someone else you could never become patient. Were you never subjected to the appetites and passions of the physical body for food, for water and for sexual fulfillment you could not develop self mastery. Without opposition the plan would be frustrated, you could not progress and the purpose of life would be unachievable.

In short when you choose to follow Christ you move forward and assimilate attributes of light;
when you do not, you move backward and acquire attributes of darkness.

Can you see, have you seen, who you want to be? What will happen if you don't plan. What will
happen if you have no vision of who you want to become?

There are two ways of evolving: deliberately and accidentally. You can either decide who you
want to become and deliberately work toward that end, or you can just go with the flow and become
whatever life makes of you. In that event, you will become whatever the fickle circumstances and forces of life and society will make of you; whatever is currently considered to be popular or in; whatever is easiest. But, whatever you become accidentally it will not be nearly the full measure of our potential. You will become just someone, somewhere in the middle.

***

This is something that honestly "Changed" my Mission, more than that? It "Changed" me. It changed the way how I looked at the mission, how I served my mission, who I was, who I was becoming, and who I am now.

The whole reason that I decided to bring up this topic of "Change" is because yesterday I was talking with a really close friend of mine, and she told me something. "You haven't changed at all." It's kinda funny when she said this, it made me think of something that my Mom said to me a couple weeks ago right as I returned home. She said "It's like you have never left." So I asked my friend to explain a little more and she said; "Well, you are exactly like you were in high school, like exactly! and you got home and found out nobody is the same still. Everybody had moved on with life, everybody had moved away and gone their seperate ways, grown up, and just changed and you are the same still, and you don't really like that, or at least that is the way you act at least."

Well, let me tell you, I HATE Change. It has been the hardest thing to have to deal with for the past two years, and then look at this I come home, and EVERYTHING is different. My niece is HUGE and going to school, both of my nephews talk a WHOLE bunch not just "mama" and I even have a new niece. There are so many things in Murray buildings, programs, people. My ward is different, because not everyone I knew is there. My friends are not all here anymore, some are in college, others moved away, and others are out in the mission. The hardest thing? I have some new feelings about things, but they aren't feelings I am very found of. Being sick and all, with epilepsy things, that I use to enjoy, I get these stupid feelings that have made me have to "Change." So it's super hard, because even though I have a Very Loving family and all, I feel like I am dealing with all this "Change" on my own.

Here is the thing that gets me about what my friend said. "And I think you don't like it because you left right after you graduated, and everyone started real life. You left to a foreign country and never changed, and came back and everyone else had, and that's hard."

At first I was kinda offended reading that part. Thinking, wow... Really? I haven't changed and so that's why all of this has gone down. Well, I received some palos (Sticks) to the face, because right after having this conversation I was at the CES fireside last night downtown in the Tabernacle with Elder Lynn G. Robins, it was great, but I realized I shouldn't be offended, and should be forgiving, and that was some of the personal revelation that I received from the talk. Since then, I have been thinking a lot about my Mission, and thinking A LOT about the word "Change."

I feel that, yes. If you look at my physical being, I pretty much have not changed. I did not grow at all on my mission, I am still just tall. Even though I ate EVERY. LITTLE. THING. in front of me in the mission, and that I have changed so much that I Love food now, I only gained .2 lbs so yeah 155.2 hahahaha oh man how I laughed when I saw that the first time the day I got home at the doctor office... Maybe my hair doesn't look too different, or whatever else you might want to look at me, but there are many things that have changed about me, since I left on my Mission in July of 2013.

What are some of those things? Well, like I said in the paragraph above, Connor Holt likes to eat now. Before the mission, I sure didn't. I was a "Picky Eater" and I also never had the time to eat, but it's okay, because I now eat everything that is on my plate in front of me, and you know what? I have learned to Love food. I loved to talk before the mission, like a ton!! Wasn't really a fan of listening very much, but now I LOVE to just listen to people talk! To listen to their life story, in fact it's something I did this very morning! I went and listened to the World War II stories of my 97 year old Grandfather! I have changed in the way I think about woman. Before my mission, I am a little ashamed of thinking this, but it was "Wow, she is pretty, I want to date her." and that would be how I judged things. Now i realized that Woman are so Important and just like President Monson said in General Conference during the Priesthood Session of 2012 "Every Woman deserves to be told she is Beautiful." I am not out to just "Get some" but I am out to find a Beautiful woman to one day become my Eternal Companion, who will share her life with me, and want to be with me for all Eternity. With that Beautiful Woman? Well, I want to have Children now, I sure didn't WANT that before the mission, like yeah, kids would be cool, but one of my favorite lessons to teach on my mission was "The Plan of Salvation" or something that really shows us how Families can live together FOREVER and how I need to have kids to let them come to this Earth and have a life, and that I can help them, and I just want to have a "Cute little family" to take care of. (yes you can take a chip out of the "Man Card" because I just said "Cute." Here is where the real "Change" comes in. Before the mission, a big pet peeve of mine were "Sunday Mormons" Not a fan. Still not, but here is what I have realized. That was kinda me before the mission, lots of people thought that I was a great member of my church, but I didn't always make the best decisions, and it took me a lot of "Change" and becoming a whole lot more Humble to be able to accept that, and to Repent and to "Change." I thought that I liked reading the scriptures before my mission, but wow... Did I "Change" my study habbits on the mission. I sure LOVE to Study the scriptures now, I didn't even finish the Book of Mormon on my mission, I started 1Nephi 1 on July 17, 2013 and before I came home I had just finished Helaman. I am now in 3 Nephi, it has been hard to study since I returned home, but I LOVE the Scriptures, and the Revelation that one can receive through studies. You should see my scriptures, they are SUPER COLORFUL! Now, one of the last things I will talk about "Change." There is a word that I like and its "MAN" this word liking came from my 9th grade seminary class, when I learned to like reading the scriptures, and where my teacher Brother Pond, taught me how to study the scriptures, this is where I found my favorite scripture, and I still remember the day that he told us about this scripture. I took some pointers... ;) Well, this scripture can be found in Alma 48:17-18 but at this time it was just 17 that I really liked, I didn't know about 18 really. (As you can see by looking at my Missionary Plaque) This scripture says;

17 Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.

Now, Brother Pond said. "Boys, if you want to know who a 'Real Man' is and who you should be like, look at Moroni. Girls, you are gonna want to find a 'Real Man' one day to marry in the Temple." So i definitely sat a little taller, and tried to puff out my chest a little bit more, but I really didn't understand this scripture at the time. I found a really cool truck in Chile, and I Loved this picture, it was my favorite that I took on the mission!! But here, before I could become a "Real Man" I would need to understand the next verse a little...

18 Behold, he was a man like unto Ammon, the son of Mosiah, yea, and even the other sons of Mosiah, yea, and also Alma and his sons, for they were all men of God.

So it's not just to be a "Man" but it is to be a "Man of God" and that is something that I sure feel I have studied out in the past two years, and if I haven't "Changed" for what other people like, I sure have tried to "Change" to become a better "Man" by becoming a "Man of God." That is why it is my favorite scripture, it sure has changed my life.

The Fourth Missionary Ending

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Now. I have this last question for you. The Second, Third and Fourth Missionaries, all give two years of their lives. They all give equally their time, and energy. They all eat the same food. They all face the same challenges and encounter the same fears. They all sleep in the same quarters. They all walk the same dusty roads in the heat of the afternoon. They all leave behind girl friends, and sports, and school and everything that was or could have been for these two years. They all conclude their missions. They all go back and speak in sacrament meeting and go on with their lives. My question is this: Why do all of that and not benefit personally by it? Why?

Do you see that I am not talking: about obedience: rather I am talking to you about intelligence. I am telling you that there is only one intelligent wav to serve a mission; the wav that will bless. and benefit. and change, and uplift. and empower. and ennoble you; your life, your spirit, your character, you. That is the wav of the Fourth Missionary. It is the only intelligent way to go.

Now you know. Now you can choose. It is up to you. Serving as the First or Second Missionaries is notacceptable. I expect you to be at least Number Three. If you are smart you will chose to be Number Four.

If I have an army of #3 Missionaries I will look like a successful mission president. I will go home to a ticker tape parade along South Temple Street. Throngs of people will line the streets and chant my name in praise and wonder, but in truth, in my heart I will know that I failed. I do not just want you to look the part of a disciple of Christ; I want you to be a disciple of Christ. My primary mission is you. My focus is you. My concern is your happiness, and I know that neither the First. Second or Third Missionary is happy and content, nor can he be. You need to be the Fourth Missionary, not for me, but for you. It is the only intelligent thing to do. It is up to you.

***

So here is the thing, I have learned. I need to Change, but I don't need to just follow the crowd, but I need to Change in the way that the Lord wants me to, to become yet again, a better "Man of God." If this friend, doesn't like the way that I have changed? Well, she can go and be friends with others then, because to me? I feel like I really have changed, maybe not that much in looks, but I know who I am, and what I want out of life. Do you?

What's Up with my Life??

I got to hold my youngest niece Charlotte for the first time!